Ronald McKelvie Sr. 1932-2011

I once heard, there is nothing more perfect then death, cause you can't screw it up. I didn't give it much thought until this past week, when Ron passed away. On March 20, 2011 at 8:20 pm Ron took his last breath, surrounded by over 20 family members. I don't think it gets more perfect then that, surrounded by people who love you!

This week preparing for Ron's celebration of life has been hectic, for my family. For me, I feel like I have been stuck in mud. I only had one job, that was to put together a power point presentation to show at Ron's celebration of life. I could not have got through this past week without so much support from my family and friends.

My sisters and brothers are so wonderful. My aunt, cousin and sister from Hazelton were all able to make it down. My aunt was amazing at helping with everything and being there for my mom too. My SIL Bev took great care of my brother Ron Jr. He came up with a great idea to do a meat draw at the celebration of life. The meatdraw raised over $300 that was donated to the Housing units where my parents live to help with the events they put on for kids. Ron loved kids so much, so it was a perfect fit!

So many family friends offered their support and positive thoughts during this difficult time. I am overwhelmed when I think of all the support.  I have to give special mention to a few people, that even today, stood out:

• My nephew Joshua, he was there for Ron and all the family.  For a young man, his compassion and affection to his family is outstanding.  
• My niece Candace who spent days and nights at Ron's bedside!  I will forever treasure the picture of us eating fish and donuts!
• My sister Gloria, who readily admits she is not a caregiver.  But her love and support for everyone is un-waivering and so needed.
• My sister Marie, who was able to make it down to be with rest of the family.  I was so happy to have her there.  An extra special thank you for my cousin Phil and his wife Marlise for helping with her flight!
• My aunt Dehlia, for taking such great care of mom.  I know how important sister's are for support, healing, and love during the hardest times in life!
• My cousin Bridie for also making the trip down to be with the family. 
• Bob and Liz Byers, Teresa and he son Chris & Glen and Wendy for being such great family and friends for Ronnie and Bev!

Without everyone's support our family would not have been able to get through that week and the weeks since then.  Not to mention, all the support made it possible to keep our sense of humour!

I hope everyone will hug, call, spend time or forgive their loved ones, because even you expect to lose someone, it is still a shock.

Please enjoy the picture story of Ron's life! Ron's Picture Story

Misunderstood Care

As I sit in my step dad's hospital room at 11 pm, I'm In a daze. While my family & I struggle to accept the inevitable loss, we also struggle with the battle of being misunderstood.

Our family is very close & caring. During times when family members are not well & in the hospital, much time is spent caring for that person. We automatically expect to stay at the family member's bedside until that person passes away or is well enough to leave.

This is just our way. In our hometown of Hazelton, hospital staff would be more familiar with the hands on support family provides. But here in the big city, hospital staff are both in awe & seemingly annoyed with our constant vigil. Most staff comment about how much family support & love we show to the person who is unwell & to each other. However, as visiting hours end, these comments soon turn to hints of how late it is, and asking us if we are going home soon. When they realize we aren't leaving easy, they remind us that it is past visiting hours.

This is also combined with other patients who do not understand why there is so many family members visiting.

As Ron's condition seemed to worsen today, our concern rose at the prospect of him spending the night alone. For myself, terrifying images raced through my head of struggling to breathe & nobody there to comfort him. With a bit of insistence, we were allowed to have one family member stay the night.

So as I sit at Ron's bedside I feel the pull of love for my dad & the push of 'policy'. When we asked if we could stay, they were a bit reluctant, but gave permission. Permission was caveated with a reiteration about hospital policy, that only one person can stay.

While I fully understand the need & purpose of policy, having it used as a way to push families out the door is incredibly isolating for family members. Then the person who is 'permitted' to stay is left to feel grateful, but does not want to be a 'burden' on staff.

Being here, is helping me to process, which will hopefully help to reach some level of closure.

Now it's 12:30 am. I feel better getting out some of those thoughts. Now I'm gonna make myself comfortable, listen to Ron's breathing, & let my mind take a wander down memory lane....

Update:
Later hat evening I spent with Ron, his breathing became increasingly worse and his pain unbearable.  About 3:30 am he became super agitated, and I had to run to get the nurses to check on him.  That is when they began to realize he was more than just a post - op patient. 

I expressed my fear to the nurse on duty and how my family needed to see him, and she got the message clear as a bell. Shift change happens at 7 am. By 8am the on-call orthepedic surgeon was in the room.  It was again clear from her questions and body language she realized the severity of Ron's condition. Physiotherapy tried to come in to do some exercises for Ron's hip at about 8:30.  I flatly refused them.  I made it very clear they weren't doing anything until Ron gets a shot for pain and it takes effect. They were surprised, and tried to push the issue  I said, the nurse is bringing a pain shot, I could find out when Ron was getting the shot or they could go find out so they would know when to come back. The backed out of the room.

By 9:30 am the Internal medicine doctor was in the room, with a tech doing an EKG.  The doctor was very clear that Ron could pass away at any moment due to his lungs or his heart. Our family again expressed concern about only one person being allowed to stay at night.  The doctor quickly reassured us that as many of us that wanted to stay would be allowed.

Throughout that day, there was over 30 family members that came to the hospital to say their good byes to Ron.  The private room Ron had, and the patient lounge was full.

So in the beginning, the attitude of the hospital staff was a bit  frustrating, but i now realize they were going based on the information and instructions they had from the surgeon that did the hip surgery.  But as soon as the Internal Medicine doctor was there to change the instructions, the nursing staff were amazing!

I dont think our family can say enough positive things about the nursing staff at the Richmond General Hospital.  Their compassion and support through the last two days of Ron's life was outstanding. 

But this whole experience just reinforced to me about how family must advocate for their loved ones.  

Home Improvements

Once I finished my master's degree, i was ready to make my house feel like my own. My ex and I had split up as I started my master's. Being single and owning a 4 bedroom house on a half acre is challenging! But I've started making improvements. First thing I did was get a new hot water heater, a new electrical box, a new sani plus pump for the toilet down stairs, two new lights fixtures for down stairs in the family, and new outside lights for front and back!

Those projects were all things I got others to do. But when I finished my master's my family all got together and got me a gift card to home depot! I used it to buy paint for my whole upstairs and to get tile in my kitchen/diningroom. Family friends wanted to get me clothing for my bday, but instead got me mortar for the tiling, which was a big $ help with the project.

Committing to these improvements was a huge step for me. Painting has always made me anxious due to the disruption and mess it makes. But I had no idea I would feel so empowered as a single woman to improve my house! Pictures are below of the tile in the kitchen, which was the biggest project. My brother in law, neice, & sister came to visit to lend their expertise. From that I learned enough to do the backsplash with my boyfriend. I even bought a tile saw!!!

This is my kitchen floor before!

This is what was underneath!

This was as the tiled was laid down!

This was before the backsplash!

This is when all the tiling was all done!

My other project was the floor in the spare room. I don't have money to do hardwood, so I read that you can paint linoleum floors.So I decided to try it!

This is the floor before the paint! Yellow floor and red walls, not the greatest combo!

But after it looks great!

Simple change that makes a huge impact!

I will be doing this to my home office and my bedroom this spring. So much easier then having carpet with four dogs running around the house!

A mixed breed - Wolfhound? Bernese? Shepherd?

My dog Arme is 22 monthes old.  When I got him, the breeder advertised him as Bernese Mountain Dog/Shepherd mix. I have always wanted a Bernese mountain dog, so I jumped at the chance to get even a Bernese mix.  As he grew older, he got scruffier and taller. His beard is infamous, as shown in the picture below. 

People always asked if he was Wolfhound mix.   I never gave it much thought until I found the picture below:

This picture is of a wolfhound/shepherd mix.  The resemblemce is striking.

I also have a full sister of Arme's, Kilo:

She has a much blockier head, not very scruffy, not very tall.  I know their mother was full shepherd, she was very long and completely black.  It's interesting to see the difference between the two.  Below is a picture of my dog pack!  From the left - Nightmare, Gabbi, Armegeddon, & Kilo!

Does anyone else have a wolfhound/shepherd mix?  I would love to see pictures!

Owned dogs all my life, but this one has me stumped!

In May 2010 there was an advertisement for a dog, that is the full- sister of my dog Armegeddon. He is a great dog, very smart, social, hesitant, but loving once he trusts someone! So I assumed his sibling would be the same! You know what they about assume.... It's make an ASS out of U & ME!

Kilo, is her new name! Like her brother, she is beautiful, very smart, social & VERY loving! But she had a very different upbringing, a very lonely one! She was an outside dog, of a family with 2 small children. Her only toys were the wood pile & she was free fed out of a huge dish!

Obviously, she had no training & not much socialization. She is friendly with other dogs, but can be very loud, barking & growling. She doesn't do this in a mean way, but she just wasn't trained to curb her enthusiasm.

While enthusiasm is not inherently a bad thing, I did not realize what it would do to the dynamics of my pack. Like all multiple dog households, there is a pack mentality. Because my three puppies are all the same age, their pack mentality is very strong.

The part that was totally unexpected for me was the anxiety that would be increased in Armegeddon. Kilo gets very excited barking & growling when other dogs are
excited &/or getting attention. In addition, because Kilo never had lots of toys, she is possessive of toys. So, if she has a toy in her mouth, and another dog comes near, she gowls.

All of This has created immense anxiety in Armegeddon. He wasn't the most confident to begin with, but Kilo's constant charging forward physically, growling & barking has created overwhelming anxiety & aggression in Armegeddon.

I can't take the dogs to the dog park, due to the strong pack mentality & Arme's aggression toward other dogs. Not that I am a big fan of dog parks, but sometimes it would be nice to meet other dog owners.

Anyhow in order to combat Kilo's enthusiasm, I have been keeping Kilo on umbilical. This means she is on leash when she in the house & the leash is attached to me. While she always follows me to every room in the house, the leash stops her from charging ahead of me. The leash also allows me to physically correct her when she barks or growls.

I wanted to share this information, because as much as I love dogs, I was seriously considering finding a new home for Kilo. But one night as I was struggling with this decision, I realized that I have not done enough to help train Kilo. I was reading a book by a local TV Show host, Brad Pattison, whose methods can be controversial. One line in his book, talked about a lady who had a very difficult dog & she was registered in classes for a year, before she felt her dog had a really improved & was properly socialized.

I had put kilo through a puppy kindergarten, but realized that wasnt even close to enough training, for any dog. So I made a commitment to Kilo to do the necessary work to get her training in order.

I have to say, within the first 2 days of having Kilo on umbilical there has been an amazing improvement in Kilo's behavior. She is much calmer. There was an immediate difference in Arme, he was hesitant to come to me when I called him to come. But after 4 times of me calling him to come & keeping Kilo from barking, he is noticeably less hesitant.

I wish everyone could experience the immense satisfaction of owning multiple dogs. I hope sharing this story will encourage to put in the work to make their a full member of the family.

Cheers,
Laura, Gabbi, Nightmare, Armegeddon, & Kilo!!

Independent Living Canada John Lord Research Award!

I am very excited that A Longer Journey Research has been named the recipient of this year's John Lord Research Award! The certificate will be presented at the upcoming IL Canada AGM in Ottawa November 24-28! thank you everyone for your support!

Aspect 2010 Provincial Conference

Hi everyone,

I am very excited to be a speaker at the upcoming Aspect 2010 conference in Victoria, BC November 4 & 5, 2010! I will be presenting on my thesis research A Longer Journey.  My presentation is available below by clicking on the link below:

ASPECT 2010 A Longer Journey Presentation

To read the A Longer Journey thesis research, please click on the links below:

A Longer Journey - Full thesis

A Longer Journey - Executive Summary

Thank you,
Laura Hockman